Christian leaders today treat deconstruction like the plague, warning their followers of the dangers of deconstructing, implying or even directly stating that people who deconstruct never knew Jesus or are turning their backs on Him on a direct train to eternal damnation.
Yet, for many of us, deconstruction isn’t about rejecting Jesus or our faith. It is about rejecting harmful theology and the systems that claim to speak for God while engaging in catastrophic spiritual abuse. When we tried to ask the hard questions, report abuse, or seek help from the church, we were shamed, silenced, and traumatized.
Despite what you’ve been told, you can deconstruct, leave the church, and still follow Jesus. But what does faith and spirituality look like when you’ve walked away from the institutions – and communities – that once defined your faith and your life?
These are the questions so many of us are wrestling with. That doesn’t mean we’re losing our faith. For me, my faith is stronger than ever, and I finally feel free. I know I am not alone.
Jesus in the Margins
When I left the church I had once called home, it felt like walking into a wilderness. I was terrified, lonely, and confused. Initially, I relied on evangelical pastors who published their sermons on YouTube and social media, which seemed to offer hope. It was familiar, and I felt comforted. There were times I even felt as if God was speaking directly to me. But eventually, I began to see the same harmful patterns I had just walked away from—spiritual manipulation, performative faith, and an obsession with control.
One by one, the Christian leaders I had looked up to fell, exposed by stories of abuse and cover-ups. Each time, my heart broke a little more. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t keep going back. I couldn’t return to the evangelical church system that had shaped me since childhood, because that system was breaking people, including me.
I quickly found out that Jesus was already there. In the uncomfortable silence. In the gut-wrenching pain. And especially in the margins. In the faces of the hurting. Reaching out to those who have been rejected. Sitting with the doubters. Offering rest – just as He promised – to the weary.
Although He could have easily taken the path to power, Jesus didn’t want that. Instead, He challenged the status quo by healing on the Sabbath, dining with outcasts, welcoming questions, and lifting up those religion had harmed. Following Him was never about a building, a brand, or an institution. It was—and still is—about presence, compassion, and love.
So, What Does It Look Like?
Here are a few ways I’ve come to understand what it means to follow Jesus outside the church walls.
1. Letting Go of Being Right
When we stop trying to force ourselves into the mold of what we were told to believe, something beautiful happens—we begin to feel free. Free to explore Scripture without fear. Free to sit with the hard questions instead of burying them. Free to trust our own intuition.
Those contradictions in the Bible we used to ignore? The difficult, even disturbing parts we once felt obligated to defend? They become opportunities for honest conversation, reflection, and growth.
And when we realize that not everyone interprets the Bible—or core doctrines—the same way – the way we were taught was the “only” correct way – something shifts. The need to be right begins to fade. In its place, we start learning how to love—openly, humbly, and without fear.
2. Living the Sermon on the Mount
While many Christians fight for the display of the 10 Commandments in public schools, those of us who have been on a journey of deconstruction recognize the true foundation of Jesus’ work – the Beatitudes. Following Jesus means living the Sermon on the Mount and the values He embodied. This means letting go of spiritual arrogance in favor of empathy. It means recognizing that needing help makes you human – not weak. It’s making space for grief—your own and the grief others carry—without rushing to fix it. It means choosing gentleness over domination. Listening with humility. Being curious instead of defensive. Walking with the marginalized, the overlooked, and the oppressed, not just in word, but in practice. It means extending mercy, not judgment. Living honestly. Saying what you mean. Doing what you believe in. Apologize when you fall short. And it means choosing peace—not avoidance, but the kind of peace that fights for healing and justice. Especially in Christian spaces. Especially where silence has caused harm.
3. Sunday Mornings and Thursday Afternoons
After deconstruction, church doesn’t have to be confined to Sunday mornings. Jesus meets us wherever we are – in the moments where the heartache seems too much to bear, in ordinary conversations with friends, in acts of justice and kindness. This is how Jesus lived, and I genuinely believe it is how He desires to commune with us.
4. Letting Go of Fear-Based Faith
Modern Christianity often instills a fear-based version of faith. As a child, I was so terrified that I might not really be saved that I went forward for every altar call—just in case. We were taught to scrutinize our every thought and action, fearing that even the smallest misstep might provoke God’s wrath. We were conditioned to believe that whatever the pastor said from the pulpit was the voice of God Himself – even when he was simply reacting to gossip, personal bias, or his own interpretation of our lives.
But fear does not lead to genuine transformation – it leads to shame-based control, judgment, and performative Christianity. Jesus always pointed people to love. What are the greatest commandments? Love God and your neighbor. How can we show our love for Jesus? By feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, welcoming the foreigners, and visiting the prisoners. How will people know we belong to Him? By our love for one another.
Outside of religious control, we can disentangle fear from faith. We can stop believing that doubt separates us from God and start trusting that God is big enough for all our questions.
5. Creating Community, Not Just Consuming It
Western church culture is often consumer-driven, and although it may foster a sense of community, it tends to be superficial. When we leave the institutional church, we can begin forming a real, reciprocal community. That might look like a book club, a group chat, a shared meal, or simply knowing we’re not alone.
Following Jesus Isn’t About Fitting In
If you’ve left organized religion, you may have been told you’re backsliding or rebellious. In reality, walking away is often the bravest, most faithful thing you can do.
I truly believe Jesus is right where we are – calling us to love our neighbor, seek justice, walk humbly, and heal our wounds.
Because the truth is: following Jesus was never meant to be about control, conformity, or climbing the ladder of religious approval.
It was always meant to be about love.
You don’t have to belong to a church to belong to Jesus and you don’t have to prove your faith to anyone. If you are walking toward love, justice, truth, and mercy, you are already walking with Him.